I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
