If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
