Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
