OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
