I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
