I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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