I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
