We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
