Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
