You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
