I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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