never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
