Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
