You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
