Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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