I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
