and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
there is puke in my bra ... again
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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