ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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