Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
