Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
