just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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