Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
