What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
