I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
