If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
