Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
