Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
