Sry I called you an 8
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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