i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
