Well douche your snatch and let's go!
kristin has been a bad kristin
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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