I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
