I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
