btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
