umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
