Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
