K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
