Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
