the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
