i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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