I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
