you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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