We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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