You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
