she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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