i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You pole danced in your parka.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
