Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
