I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
