I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You left your phone here
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