Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
