My room smells like vodka and shame
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
