get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
