If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
